Oodles of Feelings

Over the past year, I've become good friends with one of my co-workers (we'll cal him John). John has florescent white hair, is about as skinny as a stick, and was really shy when I first met him, but throw in a few months of working together and we get along really well. In November, girls started asking guys to this year's girls' choice formal dance and I, being a bit slow on the process, watched as all of my guy friends got asked to the dance, leaving me wondering who in the world I was going to ask.

I had a shift with John one day in early November, and the idea popped into my head to ask him! Of course! John goes to a different high school, so he wouldn't have already been asked, plus we're good enough friends that we could keep a conversation going throughout the whole dance meaning I wouldn't have to worry about awkward silences (I hate awkward silences). I patted myself on the back, pleased to have thought of someone to ask, and grateful to not have to spend anymore time wracking my brain in attempt to think of who take to the dance. When I told my friend (in a text message in all caps) my happy news, she was excited for me as well and I resolved to ask John the very next day.

The very next day came. The very next day ended without me speaking a single word to John.

But it was fine! I had time, and besides, I deserved a little break after all of that stressful work of trying to think of who to ask. I decided that as long as I asked by the end of the week, everything would be just splendid.

Needless to say, I didn't ask by the end of that week. Or the next. Or the next.

Fast forward to today, and I realized my time was running out. Even my subconscious realized it, which I realized as I had a very stressful dream last night in which I procrastinated asking John to the dance until the day of the dance, resulting in a huge disaster. I woke up in a panic and determined that I would ask today. 

I wish I could say I'm not like the rest of my generation and that I actually do make phone calls quite often, and no, I don't find them extremely uncomfortable, but that would be just about as far from the truth as possible. Actually, I despise making phone calls and I will do anything to avoid the action, including paying my younger siblings to talk on the phone for me. Unfortunately, I don't believe that asking someone on a date is something younger siblings are made for, so that wasn't an option. I rehearsed the phone call in my head all day long.

Around five, I took a few deep breaths and set him a message, wondering if I could call him real quick. He responded within ten minutes with a "yeah, of course!"

It took me three hours to call him.

Three hours!

All the little stresses of asking on a date kept popping into my mind, thoughts like "what if he thinks I like him but actually I just want to be friends?" or "what if he thinks I'm a weirdo for asking someone from a different school?"

But then I reminded myself that this is high school. These are some of the best years of my life, and worry is just wasting away precious time that I could be spending having fun.

So finally, I went into the garage and sat in my dad's car so that nobody in my family would hear this (hopefully not awkward) conversation.

And it went well!

Okay, yes, my whole body was screaming at me the whole time that this was scary, but I faked my confidence and asked John if he would like to go to dance, which he responded to very politely and enthusiastically. Me and John talked for a few minutes, and then the conversation was over and I was pressing the red button to hang up.

What a feeling!

I ran inside and locked myself in the bathroom where I jumped up and down and partied silently.

What I learned from this (month-long) experience is that life's greatest rewards often come when we do things that scare the crap out of us. Ever gone to a party and, against your introverted self, decided that you weren't going to be a wallflower for the night? Or maybe you've had a fearless moment when you decided to go on the terrifying ride at the amusement park. Whatever the case, our stress and worry almost always ends up being for nothing because that act of bravery was worth it. So have the nerve to do that scary thing you've wanted to do for a long time (weeks, months, maybe even years?) because you have a life to live. You have a life to live right now.